Shouldn’t you buy me dinner first?

I am very pleased to be writing my next one act play for the collection. We’re on number four now, if you’re interested. This new project is a short comedy piece about a British man who is stopped by American Immigration, and the (not) obvious hilarity that ensues. Currently around half way through, I am struck with the biggest issue that the ‘rubber glove’ concept throws up. Invariably, the stock response to the officer putting on a rubber glove should be “Shouldn’t you buy me dinner first?”, “Aren’t we going out for drinks first?” or something similar, simply because it is completely overused and clichéd now. After wracking my brain for an amusing alternative, I have finally come up with a response that I am happy with. Here’s the excerpt from the script:

Peter: I still have to determine whether or not you’re a danger to this country.

Charlie: Of course I’m not! I love America. American TV especially. Seriously, is there a shop around here? (American accent) A store… cause I wanna buy a flag!

Peter looks at Charlie suspiciously. There is an uncomfortable silence.

Charlie: Not to burn it or anything.

Peter removes a rubber glove from his jacket and puts it on his right hand.

Charlie: If I enjoy this, you’re breaking it to my girlfriend.


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